If Ever Lost
by bravevulnerability
Summary: 'Castle's secret delight in having a 'boy's day' with his son had made her smile a permanent fixture, her love for their little family strong and overflowing within her chest. Their matching t-shirts only aided in the ache of her cheeks.' For seilleanmor.


**A/N:** **For Beanie, who was kind enough to share this lovely idea with me when we all know she could have written it _way_ better. It took on quite a life of its own, but I hope it still comes close to what you had imagined.**

* * *

Kate has to press two fingers to her lips to suppress her smile as she watches her husband and their son descend into the crowd that swells within the massive amusement park Jack has been begging to explore for months now.

"Daddy and I are going to ride all the big boy rides, Momma," her son had proclaimed throughout the car ride from the loft to Coney Island, sitting in his booster seat with his head held high and proud. "Don't worry, Maisy," he had added, twisting to face his younger sister in her car seat beside him and patting her small hand. "One day you'll be big like me and you can ride them too."

Only five years old and Jack Castle thought he was king of the world.

They had only been inside Luna Park for ten minutes and after receiving their wristbands, Jack had eagerly dragged his father towards the biggest ride in the park. Their son had yet to remember the height requirements that would likely stunt a few of his plans, but his determination and Castle's secret delight in having a 'boy's day' with his son had made her smile a permanent fixture, her love for their little family strong and overflowing within her chest.

Their matching t-shirts only aided in the ache of her cheeks.

Castle had done it as a joke upon deciding earlier in the week that they would make the trip to Coney Island for the weekend. She had come home from a tiring day at the precinct on Friday evening to find Rick waiting for her in the dimmed loft, the kids already sleeping and the leftovers from dinner warmed and waiting for her. She tried not to miss dinner, to miss the bedtime stories and the lullabies that were supposed to be duets, but being the captain of her own precinct sometimes stole time away from her home life, from her family, and she was still working on discovering the perfect balance.

"Look what the kids and I made after school today," he had beamed once her dishes were in the sink and she had changed into her sleeping attire of his shirt and a pair of boxers.

A breath of laughter had escaped her lips at the family of t-shirts laid across their bed, cherry red with white block letters ironed neatly across the backs. Two child-sized shirts and one adult read IF LOST RETURN TO KATE, but the smaller of the adult options had the words I AM KATE spanning the fabric in what she assumed was the largest print available.

"You made our own lost and found system?" she had chuckled, dusting her fingers along the cotton material of the shirts and the labels he took the time to craft onto them.

"I know taking the kids into huge crowds like this make you nervous sometimes," he had murmured, his eyes soft and trained on her smile. "This way, you never have to worry about losing any of us."

Kate had reached for him then, laced her arms around her husband's neck, and stole a kiss from his upturned lips. They had celebrated their seventh wedding anniversary only a few short months ago, their fourteenth anniversary of meeting that he never fails to remind her of earlier in March, but despite the lengthening of time, it still managed to surprise her how thoughtful, how beautiful of a man she had married.

And in times like those, the urge to show him grew untamable.

She had trailed her fingers down his arms, twined their hands and tugged him towards their adjoining bathroom. "Shower with me, Rick."

"Momma." Maisy draws her from her daydreaming, squirming at her side and squeezing Kate's kneecap in askance, impatient but quieter in her demands. Always so surprising for a two year old. "Where Jack and Daddy goin'?"

"They're going to go on the big rides," Kate explains, watching their daughter's wide hazel eyes roam the colossal machines, the bursts of light and color that decorate the park, make it look magical even in the daylight.

"Like that?" Maisy inquires, pointing one tiny finger to the sky, where one of the main attractions rises like a skyscraper and radiates the screams of its passengers through the air.

"Maybe not _that_ big," Kate hedges, feeling the relief uncoil in her chest and spread along her ribs. Safety approved or not, she does not like the picture of her son and her husband on a machine that shoots them into the air upside down. "But while the boys are out being thrill seekers, what rides do you want to go on with Mommy?"

Maisy's eyes go wide for a moment, sweeping over the park with wonder, eager yet overwhelmed by the opportunity to explore, and Kate smothers her laugh behind her fingers again.

"The teacups!" Maisy finally exclaims, bouncing on the toes of her sparkling gold shoes, a recent birthday gift from her grandmother.

Kate lifts her daughter from the ground, easily props the girl on her hip to avoid having Maisy jostled in the crowd, and starts for the spinning assortment of teacups in the middle of the park. Maisy's arms loop around Kate's neck, her fingers toying with the ends of her mother's curls as they maneuver through the lines of people and clusters of vendors together.

"Mommy, we should match all times," Maisy muses, brushing her tiny fingers up and down along the sleeve of Kate's t-shirt.

It had to be the fifth time Maisy had expressed delight upon sharing a matching article of clothing with her mother, along with her father and brother, since Kate had dressed her that morning.

"You think Mommy would look better if she wore this to work instead of the suits?" Kate asks, bouncing Maisy in her arms as they join the line for the teacup ride.

"Oh yes," her daughter affirms with a decisive nod that has the curls of her hair springing at her shoulders. Of course, Maisy had worn her favorite skirt with glittering butterflies printed across the fabric while Kate had donned a pair of skinny jeans, but it was enough to have Maisy beaming with satisfaction after Kate had finished dressing her and stood in front of the mirror at her daughter's side.

"Now I'm like you, Mommy!" Maisy had announced, clapping her hands together in the mirror and grinning up at Kate with such joy.

"But you can't for work," Maisy states suddenly, a quiet gasp accompanying her words. "You has to wear your elmer."

Kate hugs her daughter a little tighter at the statement. "My _armor_?"

"Yes! Daddy says it helps you fight all the dragons."

They're waved passed the entrance gate to the ride once the keeper takes note of their wristbands and Kate steps into the nearest teacup, settles into the blue and white mug with Maisy close to her side.

"But we match all other times," Maisy concludes with another nod of her head, her excitement already bubbling as her hands reach for the wheel in the center of the cup, the handle that will help them spin.

Kate retracts her phone while she still has the time, snaps a picture of their grinning daughter and sends the shot to Castle before the platform beneath them comes to life.

"It's a deal," Kate promises, curling her fingers around the metal wheel beside Maisy's and relishing in Maisy's shout of delight when she sends them spinning.

* * *

Kate holds to Maisy's waist as her daughter squeals with joy from the saddle of her vibrantly colored horse that rises and evokes a trill of laughter every time it falls in sync with the other painted horses on the carousel. They've been on almost every toddler friendly ride in the area and she hopes to convene with Castle and Jack soon for a late lunch, but Rick hasn't texted her back since the teacups.

That was nearly three hours ago.

"Mommy," Maisy gasps once the carousel slows to a stop and the other patrons proceed to dismount from the array of dancing animals, excitement illuminating the entirety of her baby girl's face.

Kate grins and hoists Maisy into her arms. "Yes, Mais?"

"Can we ride the elephants?" Maisy requests, extending her index finger towards the flying elephants in the distance.

"Sure, as long as you don't get scared up there," Kate bargains, exiting the crowd surrounding the carousel and starting for the adorable elephants with smiling faces and bright blue eyes that have her thinking immediately of Castle and their son's matching gazes.

"I won't get scared, Momma," Maisy huffs, pursing the petals of her lips in offense until Kate tickles her side and has her giggling into her mother's neck. "I'mma big girl."

"That's right," Kate assures her, rubbing her daughter's back and smoothing her fingers over the letters that bridge across her shoulder blades. "And big girls have to eat, so after the elephants, we're going to find Daddy and Jack and have some lunch."

"Dinosaur nuggets?" Maisy grins and Kate huffs, shaking her head as they enter the line for the ride. It seems Jack's favorite meal is beginning to rub off on his sister.

"Not today," she chuckles, holding out her wrist with the multicolored bracelet and nudging Maisy to do the same for the gate attendant.

Kate lets Maisy have her choice in the circle of elephants, following her daughter's pointed finger once more and climbing into the sky blue elephant with a dandelion colored collar and bright red saddle design. Maisy's rumbling with excitement as the attendant buckles them in and secures their place inside the ride, but her little girl squeaks when the ride comes to life, clutching Kate's fingers with an iron grip as they're elevated high into the air and begin to fly in a slow circle.

Kate's stomach flutters at the shift, but after a handful of moments soaring through the air with the wind caressing her face, combing through her hair, the tension unfurls in her abdomen, the up and down motion providing a good dose of relaxation. But Maisy's arms cinching tightly around her waist, her face scrunched and buried in Kate's ribs, have her lowering her gaze to her terrified daughter.

"Hey, Mais, you're okay," Kate soothes, stroking a hand down the length of Maisy's back and cupping the side of her face in her palm. "We're not that high, baby, I promise."

"Yes, we are!" Maisy's muffled protest penetrates the fabric of Kate's shirt. "We'll fall out."

"We're not going to fall. That's why we have the seatbelt, remember?" Kate reminds her softly, reaching over to pat the buckle secured across Maisy's waist. "We're not going to fall, we're flying. Don't you want to see?"

Maisy turns her face outwards from Kate's ribcage, taking a peek of the world spinning around them, slowly loosening her grip on her mother's torso.

"You can see the whole park from here, can't you?" Kate murmurs, squeezing Maisy's shoulder, watching her sit up a little straighter to gain a better view.

"We _are_ flying," Maisy breathes, releasing Kate completely and gazing out into the sea of lights and human traffic with wonder blooming gold in her eyes. "Look Mommy, do like me!"

Maisy extends her arms outwards and tilts her chin to the sky, soaring like a little bird, and Kate does as her daughter requests, mimics Maisy's pose and spends the rest of their time in the air gliding through the sky inside a bright blue elephant.

"Oh! Daddy!"

Kate lowers her gaze from the clouds to follow her daughter's, sighting the twin red shirts in the crowd below looking lost and frazzled as their elephants begin to descend.

Apparently, the shirts were a better idea than she would have thought.

Maisy insists on walking hand in hand with Kate while they trek across the park, scanning for those matching red shirts they had seen from up above, but after a few minutes of wandering, Kate comes to a halt against a funnel cake stand.

"Miss! Your little girl looks like she could use a friend!" an employee manning the infamous 'milk bottle throw' nearby shouts to her, but Kate ignores him, fixing her eyes on the crowd, willing Castle and Jack to appear.

But Maisy doesn't.

"Mommy, he has elephants," her daughter whispers and upon a brief side glance, she does notice the slew of plush elephants swinging from the roof of the stand, but carnival games are always rigged, a waste of money and time, time she needs to spend locating the other half of her family.

"C'mon... _Kate,_ " the man adds, reading her shirt with a smirk that has her skin crawling. "Don't you want to win your kiddo a souvenir?" he coaxes, three worn baseballs clutched in his hand. "I'll even make a special deal, just for you. Three balls for only five bucks, what do you say?"

Maisy doesn't beg, never one for tantrums, but she does look up from her mother's side with eyes that silently plead, the equivalent of Castle's 'puppy dog eyes' that have never quite worked for him, but definitely prevail with his daughters.

"Fine," Kate decides on a sigh, keeping Maisy's hand clutched firmly in hers as they approach the classic, carnival styled booth. "But if all three of my throws are successful, I want three prizes."

The man's eyebrows hitch, a scoff breaching his smug lips, but he shrugs nonetheless.

"You got it, sweetheart," he agrees, placing the balls on the stand that separates her from the rows of milk bottles in pyramid formation. Kate releases Maisy's hand and retrieves her first ball, tests her grip on the dirt stained leather and subtly gets into position. "But just so you know, no one ever really-"

Her wind-up is fast and her pitch sails smoothly past the shocked salesman, crashing into the bottom row of the first set of bottles with enough force to send the heavy pyramid toppling to the ground with a string of satisfying clunks.

"Which elephant do you want, Mais?"

Maisy cheers and offers Kate a high five before pointing to the purple stuffed animal amidst the rainbow assortment.

Grumbling, the vendor plucks the plush elephant from the top row, hands it to Maisy with a scowl.

Kate snags the second ball and prepares to aim.

"Decide which ones Daddy and Jack will like while Mommy wins the other two, okay?"

* * *

For a while, Maisy skips beside Kate with her newest stuffed animal swinging from her free hand while Kate keeps hold of the sea turtle she won for Jack and the panda bear she picked out for Castle, but the thrill from their success at the milk bottle throw wears away within fifteen more minutes of returning to the search for the boys and Maisy quickly starts to lag beside her.

"M'tired, Mom," Maisy sighs, dropping her forehead to Kate's knee.

Kate scoops her little girl from the asphalt, allows her to rest against her chest. She's a little surprised Maisy made it this long before drooping with exhaustion. Four hours at an amusement park likely won't affect Jack until bedtime, but their daughter still tires quite easily when overwhelmed with so much excitement.

"I know, baby. We'll find Daddy and Jack and then you can have your nap," Kate coos in Maisy's ear, sweeping back the chestnut locks clinging to the back of her neck and beginning to sway back and forth out of habit while she continues to sift through the flock of faces.

"Hey, are you Kate?" She turns on her heel at the question to be met with a boy in an official park uniform squinting to read her shirt, blushing as he notices Maisy's and the words scrawled across the back. "Forget I asked, but uh, your party is looking for you over by the Ferris wheel."

Kate follows the boy's pointed finger and murmurs her thanks over her shoulder, secures her grip on her dozing daughter, and the stuffed toys against her chest, and maneuvers through the throngs of people with practiced skill until those red shirts come into view.

Rick is talking to another employee, one hand in Jack's while the other flitters through the air in a circuit of interesting hand gestures.

"Return to Kate, you said?" the older man working the Ferris wheel mechanics drawls, skimming the crowd halfheartedly and landing on her with a smirk of amusement. "Pretty sure she's returned to you."

Castle spins around, twirling Jack along with him, and surges forward at the sight of her. Jack crashes into her knees while Rick bands an arm around her shoulders, hugs her to his chest without crushing Maisy. Kate huffs at the dramatics of her two boys, but smoothes a hand over the back of Jack's skull, nudges her husband's cheek with her nose.

"Dad got us lost," Jack reveals, stepping back from his mother and earning an appalled from his father.

"Traitor," Castle mutters. "We were not _lost_. We just… took a wrong turn past the Thunderbolt back there. And then we couldn't find you and Maisy, and my phone was dead, so we just started asking around." Rick shrugs and offers up his arms for their exhausted two year old. "And they say men can't ask for directions."

Kate rolls her eyes and passes Maisy into Castle's waiting arms, ensures that she's secure against Castle's chest before reaching down to muss Jack's hair.

"Here buddy, Maisy and I got you something," she informs him with a grin, passing him the bright green turtle and watching his smile grow. While Maisy has inherited Kate's interest in elephants, their son has fallen in love with marine life lately and accepts the newest addition to his collection of aquatic toys with a grateful hug to Kate's waist.

"So, who's the panda for?" Rick teases at her side and she pushes the stuffed bear into his chest.

"Couldn't forget about you, babe," she hums, laughing quietly at the sheer delight that ripples in his eyes as he clutches the fluffy white and black bear to his chest, fitting it in beside Maisy and her elephant. She had bargained for that third prize for him as a joke, a little callback to their 'ying needs yang' conversation that she could never quite forget, but of course, Castle manages to turn the gesture sentimental. But she doesn't mind that so much anymore; she's not sure she ever did. "So aside from getting somewhat lost, did you guys have fun?"

Any lingering impatience drains from Jack's eyes, the urge to tell a story filling his gaze and brimming against his lips, just like his father. Castle's hand envelopes hers as the words begin to spill from Jack's mouth, the recounting of their time on the popular Wild River and the "kinda scary but mostly awesome" Hang Glider told like a gripping adventure, the gift of a storyteller passed down.

Jack snags his mother's hand, swinging his turtle in the other, as they begin their journey back across the amusement park, towards the café near the main gate, but doesn't stop gushing about the last few hours in riveting detail.

"I'm glad we did this," Castle whispers so not to disturb their son's raving, grinning down at Jack. "He loved every second."

"So did she," Kate murmurs, nodding to the little girl curled up against her father's chest with a stuffed elephant tucked beneath her chin. "I'm glad you made the shirts too," Kate adds under her breath, craning her neck sideways to smudge a kiss to his jaw. "Don't ever want to lose you, any of you."

Castle catches the corner of her mouth before she can turn away, nudges his nose into the bone of her cheek and smudges the promise into her skin. "Never."


End file.
